I walked into my mom’s yesterday and walked past the TV and heard something like “Riverview High School has been locked down because of a report of a gun…”. I don’t remember the words, but I remember the panic. The complete and absolute dread I felt that overtook everything. Everyday my son gets out of my car and walks away. Everyday I make it a point to watch him cross the street and I wonder if that is the last time…

I left my 4 year old at my moms after I saw the news and I shouldn’t have. She was tired. I just left and rushed to the school to see officers blocking the roads to my son’s school. Some with rifles, others with vests holding an assortment of guns. I asked if I could go in and get him. I knew the answer. They told me to go to a local vocational school and wait. Well, I didn’t. I went to the closest corner strip mall and waited.

There were helicopters and cops and parents everywhere and it was not real. There were parents all around me getting phone calls from their kids and text messages. I couldn’t get my son. He wouldn’t text back and he wouldn’t call and he wouldn’t answer my call. I was hoping it was a reception issue. I prayed it was a reception issue and every horrible thing you could imagine went through my head. It was my son’s 16th birthday the day before. It was just bad.

I waited and walked and waited and walked and watched the parents that were laughing and happy because SWAT had already been to their kids’ classes and they were fine. They knew because their kids were contacting them. I didn’t know. Kids were texting all kinds of things to parents around me and elsewhere. There was a text that their was shooting and that someone had been killed. That hit every parent I knew and every parent I saw like a ton of bricks. It was like a wave of panic, but it wasn’t true. It didn’t matter. The damage was done.

We finally got word that the entire school had been searched and we could go get our kids or wait for school to be over, which was like in 30 minutes. I just went to get him. Hoping to find him. I did. A teacher had taken his phone away which really pisses me off, but I feel like I shouldn’t be pissed at anyone. I should just feel greatful that he is ok, but the truth is I am still not breathing right. Sometimes I have to remind myself to breath. I am fine one minute and then crying the next. It really was every parent’s worst nightmare. They haven’t caught this person yet. We will wait and see what happens.

I have to say that raising a teenager is not easy. In fact, it is really, really hard and they are all about themselves, but this was a great wake up call that in the grand scheme of things the irritating things they do just don’t really matter. All that matters is that they are here and ok and we don’t know how long things will remain that way, so we should just enjoy everyday we have with them. My son finds it a bit irritating that I won’t go to bed until I can kiss him goodnight. This is why.

Every parent has a tough road. We live for our babies and we can never forget that it could end so quickly. I don’t think you can really understand until you are a parent how much worry there is. I thought I had to worry more when they were little because they are more defenseless, but the truth is the worry increases drastically when they hit the teen years. It is amazing how much my life has changed.

We have a holiday season coming and I am just recommending that instead of worrying about all the little stupid crap we should just be happy that our kids and families are here to share it with us. I am hoping to create the Griswold house with lights and make a ton of cookies. I am just going to look at my son and be so happy that I can look at him and his beautiful face.

On Another Note

I really loved this blog and I loved the people I met through this blog. I felt really good about it and I want to feel like I did, but the truth is I am really tired. I have been sick, really sick, for over a month and just can’t get better. I am trying to. I am trying to feel well. I haven’t been able to work much either. I need to. I need the money like everyone else does, but this situation makes me question my priorities. I need to find a balance between work and family and enjoyment of life. I am working on getting back here and writing about my ideas, but I have to be honest and say I think I am going to focus on the holidays and enjoy family for awhile.

Hug your kids and cherish their smiles. Happy Holidays.

Melissa Fach- SEOAware.com